I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
