My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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