Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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