She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
