i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize