how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
