wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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