and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All the doctor said was why
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
