My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
