she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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