there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
