ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
