He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
