Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize