that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
