well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
