I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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