Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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