It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
