I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
