You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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