I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
