and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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