Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
