im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
