I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
