dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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