Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
