the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and you fell through a lawn chair
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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