is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize