Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
