She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
