i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
