i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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