remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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