yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
