And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
