Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
even my farts smell like vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
