Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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