MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
even my farts smell like vagina
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
