I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
