We won't sleep together?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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