not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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