are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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