I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
