ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im six kinds of drunk right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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