He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
