Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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