Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
