I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
