i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
