I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
