i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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