Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
