i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
