it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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