Kiss
Puke
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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