wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
