I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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