never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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