Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
