You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
