Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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