She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
