just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is the high leading the old right now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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