she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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