Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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