I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He passed out mid-signature
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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