Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize