Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
