so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
