im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
