i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
