"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
