i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
