You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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