My balls are so social today.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
