apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
