The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
