Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize