3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
