I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize