Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
