____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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