think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drake has all the answers
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
