Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
