Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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