Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize