I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
