he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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