i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
where does the pee come out of this thing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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