Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
