so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't turn off my feet"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
