And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
