it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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