That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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