guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
