I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he thought i was a dude.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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