You smell like stripper and shame
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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