my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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