bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
