And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
