I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
