I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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