at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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