I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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