Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
