Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
